by Edward Fisher
You bicker. You argue all the time. You yell and fight. Is this the same person you married? So you want to know how to fix a relationship that has gone sour – that seems to be loveless and maybe sexless? The good news is that you can fix your relationship no matter how far gone it seems and even if you are the only one who wants to.
One of the first things to realize is that fighting takes its toll on any relationship. The more you fight, the more emotional distance develops between you. One trick to avoid fighting is to “make an appointment to resolve this” instead of continuing on. As soon as you start to bicker (and your spouse or partner will have to agree to do this) stop and say that you want to make an appointment to continue this argument. Perhaps tonight at 7pm. Do not continue the argument. Go get a breath.
You will quickly find that when 7 rolls around and you try to resolve your disagreement, most of your fights were about silly things. But keep the appointments anyway. This technique is a good way to nip the arguing in the bud so that you can move on with the rebuilding of your relationship. You will be amazed at how much better you seem to get along with your partner when you don’t have bitter (and usually silly) arguments draining your emotional energy.
UNDERSTAND WHAT DRIVES YOUR PARTNER
Of course, when it comes to how to fix a relationship, there is a lot more to it than figuring out how to fight less. Perhaps the most important feature of fixing a relationship is truly understanding your partner and that person’s way of thinking. Women always think men are stupid and men think women are crazy but it’s simply not true. The problem is that the two sexes think differently. You may have an argument with your spouse and think that their point of view is nuts, but the trick is to understand WHY they have that point of view.
This is all pretty heady stuff and you can’t expect to learn how to fix a relationship by reading articles on the internet. You need to lean on the advice of professionals who have helped countless couples save their relationships. You can try counseling (which only works in 10% of cases!!!) but before you do I recommend checking out the products that helped fix my relationship with my wife Allison when I thought we were headed for divorce: Save The Marriage by Lee Baucom and Save My Marriage Today by Amy Waterman (these are links to the reviews of these products) are essential reading if you are serious about changing your relationship for the better. I enthusiastically endorse them because I know that they work – they worked for me! Also check out the review of Rachel Rider’s excellent Relationship Recovery.
If you decide that you want to do counseling, you will be much better prepared to benefit from your sessions because you will not be paying $200 per hour to have a therapist teach you stuff that you can easily learn for far less money with these programs. There is nothing stopping you. I want to wish you good luck because most of the time, relationships are worth saving! – Ed
If you want some great free advice sign up for my fantastic email article series. Even though it is aimed at saving marriages, this information can help any relationship that is not working. Give it a try – it’s free! – Ed.