by Edward Fisher
After a few years, the bloom is off the rose, as it were, in any relationship. It’s not always bliss anymore. What you once thought were “charming traits” in your partner are now irritations. You seem to bicker constantly. You may even shout at each other and the emotional distance between you gets bigger and bigger. You may feel angry all the time. What you don’t feel is a lot of love. Your sex life is not what it used to be – if you have sex at all. Every time you get in a fight you fantasize about getting a divorce. Well, you are not alone. And the good news is that you can save the relationship even if you are the only one willing to do anything.
Click Here to Read My Story and to read reviews of products that will help you save your relationship
Many couples who reach this stage in their relationship turn to professional counselling to help them get back on track. I have found counselling to be quite helpful, if a bit of a slow process. In my first session, our therapist, a registered psychologist, gave us the tools to stop fighting. She suggested that every time we start fighting, before we let our emotions carry us away, we stop the fight and set an appointment with each other when we can discuss the issue rationally.
This technique worked like magic. We virtually stopped fighting. We sometimes didn’t even bother with the “appointments” because it was clear that the arguments were over stupid things. I’m not sure that the appointment idea is a good long term solution because perhaps it encourages you to “avoid dealing with things” but in our case, the short term goal of stopping fighting was essential. Fights end marriages. They build anger and resentment. Stop fighting, and you have a chance to move forward.
We no longer have to make appointments because we have progressed to the point where we have a better understanding of each other and more acceptance which means there is much less conflict in our relationship.
So am I an advocate of counselling? Absolutely. It is essential to find a good counsellor, however. I did my homework ahead of time and I knew what questions to ask and was pleased by her answers. For this, I had read Lee Baucom’s excellent ebook Save The Marriage. After I read it, I had a very different understanding of my wife and what drove us to fight. I was well prepared for our counselling sessions and didn’t have to waste a lot of time (at $200 per hour) going over “relationship basics.” I’m not sure that counselling was absolutely necessary, but my wife had already lined up an appointment before I discovered Dr. Baucom’s book and she wanted to give it a chance.
Either way, my marriage was worth saving and I am glad, every day, that I am still married to my wonderful wife and that we have managed to turn things around. You can do it to. The best place to start is by reading this (click the link) which details my own story and the reviews of two fantastic resources to get you started. Congratulations on taking action to save your relationship! It’s worth it and you will succeed and be much happier for it. – Ed
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