Save the Marriage Review by Edward Fisher
Dr. Lee Baucom’s book starts out with some startling facts: 50% of couples who undergo marriage counselling, or marriage therapy, end up getting divorced. Only 10-20% of couples in therapy see any improvement in their relationship. Dr. Baucom has over 20 years of experience as a marriage therapist at his practice in Louisville, Kentucky, and his clients have a much better success rate. Why? One of the reasons is that most traditional marriage therapies boil down to this: the problem is communication. Husbands and wives misunderstand and miscommunicate. If you fix the communication issue, you fix the marriage. Dr. Baucom thinks this is a mistake.
In his experience as a therapist, Dr. Baucom knows that improving communication skills makes people better arguers but doesn’t stop them from fighting. That’s why communication, while something to look at, is not the core of the problem. He suggests we need to look much deeper, starting by trying to really understand our spouse so that we may ultimately cherish them for who they are and appreciate our differences and the role each of us plays in the “WE,” our relationship. And make no mistake: what needs to be fixed, the “patient” or “client” is the relationship, not the husband or the wife. That is an interesting distinction from traditional therapy.
As I read the book, (and I was not intending to write a Save the Marriage Review at that time) I kept seeing myself, my wife, and our troubled relationship being described over and over. The constant fighting over seemingly small stuff. The anger and frustration. The power struggles. Sex? – A distant memory. But it is not just that I saw these things, I started to understand why. And the “why” was not obvious. In fact, the “why” was not even close to what I thought it was before reading this book.
My wife and I are in marriage counselling and what I find is that there is a huge temptation to just blow off steam and blame each other. My wife seems “crazy” to me. She thinks I’m “stupid.” But as I read Save The Marriage it seemed like I was immediately seeing my wife in a different light. I saw how her anger was a response to threat and hurt that was felt deep inside her and how my own anger was from a similar place. I found myself reconstructing our latest fights and thinking, that if only I had followed the advice… the fight might have made us closer instead of driving a deeper wedge between us.
It was revelation after revelation. It was like the lights were coming on for the first time. I was making strides in understanding my wife that hundreds of dollars in marital therapy (soon to be thousands, I’m sure) had not come close to producing. And I would act differently the next time an argument was brewing. Actually I would act differently right from the start and she would have no choice but to respond positively. I knew it would help.
There is a lot of power in great books. About ten years ago, I went through a difficult emotional period following the end of what was, in hindsight, a minor relationship. I learned a lot from that break-up, about myself and about the different natures of men and women. Two books that really helped me were Erich Fromm’s The Art of Loving, and M. Scott Peck’s The Road Less Travelled. Save The Marriage reminds me of those books because of Baucom’s well-thought-out, intelligent views on human relationships and the nature of love. The difference, of course, is that this ebook is laser-focused on marriage and rescuing troubled marriages. And the book is not just theory, it’s practical.
Each chapter is followed by questions that help you to explore your own relationship and gain a much fuller appreciation of what needs to be done. It’s not just work. Another fallacy he points out is that restarting the marriage has to be enjoyable and “working” to fix a marriage is another common mistake. No one wants to work. The goal is to enjoy the relationship. It makes so much sense but I needed Baucom to point it out.
When I finished reading Save The Marriage, I immediately felt that I could make my relationship much better. It was within my grasp. I wanted my wife to read it right away so that we would be on the same page. She said she would but didn’t want to be pressured. The great thing is that I understood her resistance more clearly than before. And it was fine. I knew what I could do to help our relationship. If I did my part, she would respond accordingly. We would be able to turn our marriage around even if she never read it. That is one of the powerful lessons of Save The Marriage: if one person does the right things, the other person will respond and the relationship will improve.
I am going to read it again and do all of the exercises, hopefully with my wife.
This is not a book of gimmicks and tricks. You are not setting out to deceive your spouse and win them back through manipulation. If anything, it is just the opposite. You will see each other in a more positive, healthy and realistic light and they will see you in the same way. You will grow your relationship as you move forward without looking back.
You will understand why you fight and have so many negative emotions and you will get it all under control. That is not a magic act. This book give you honest yet powerful tools to bring the love back in to your marriage, even when it seems hopeless.
When you buy the Save The Marriage package, you are given a number of valuable bonuses that deal with particular issues such as dealing with anger and things not to do when you want to get your spouse back. You can also email Baucom personally to get his advice on your personal situation.
Save the Marriage is simply the best book of its kind that I have ever read. It is smart, full of practical advice and will give you hope where none has existed before. Anyone considering marriage counselling should read it to avoid falling into some of the traps that marriage counselors can unwittingly spring on you and make things worse.
I, personally, have never seen my relationship so clearly and understood so completely what I can do to make it great again. I am going to rescue my marriage and I think this book can do the same for you. The Save The Marriage ebook by Lee Baucom, Ph.D., is very highly recommended. I hope you enjoyed my Save the Marriage Review, and put this program to good use.